The Beard.
In the world I live in, the beard is the thing that says "Hey, listen to what I have to say. I'm old enough to grow one of these bad boys, so obviously I know things." I'm unable to grow one yet on my oh-so-baby face, which I see as a blessing, and a curse.
In the world I live in, the beard is the thing that says "Hey, listen to what I have to say. I'm old enough to grow one of these bad boys, so obviously I know things." I'm unable to grow one yet on my oh-so-baby face, which I see as a blessing, and a curse.
A blessing because in my chosen field looking young is a huge asset. A curse because I've been reading fantasy books my whole life, and all I've ever wanted to be is a dwarf with a big, bushy, beard.
They say these things will come in time. They say constantly shaving is such a hassle. They say beards are over-rated, and girls don't like them. Hog-wash I say. You can take all those comments. Find a big bristly hog, and scrub him squeaky clean with them, because that is Hog. Wash.
I intern at The Sword and Stone: A weapons and armor shop. How am I supposed to hang out with all these cool viking guys, when my viking name is "Baby-Faced the Bold?" I intern at Meltdown Comics. How am I supposed to rub shoulders with artistic types, when I have silky-smooth dimpled cheeks?
The bearded gods in every pantheon must have held a meeting at the Semi-Annual Celestial Beard Jamboree in 1990 to decide my facial hair fate. To make it so I have every physical trait that goes well with a beard, except a beard. I probably have to go on some epic quest fraught with peril in order to acquire my beard.
Just writing that out really made me want it to be true. My quest would be like Lord of the Rings, just with even more facial hair. In my epic tale of beard acquisition, even Legolas would have a beard to make a lumberjack proud. Gimli would just be a beard. A surly Cousin It that can wield an axe and loves salted pork. The orcs would be razors, robbing the land of their bearded glory and the Ents would be...
I could do this all day, but I'll spare you anymore painful details.
Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole-hill, but if a genie could grant me three wishes. One of them would be to be blessed with The Power of the Beard.
-Doug
They say these things will come in time. They say constantly shaving is such a hassle. They say beards are over-rated, and girls don't like them. Hog-wash I say. You can take all those comments. Find a big bristly hog, and scrub him squeaky clean with them, because that is Hog. Wash.
I intern at The Sword and Stone: A weapons and armor shop. How am I supposed to hang out with all these cool viking guys, when my viking name is "Baby-Faced the Bold?" I intern at Meltdown Comics. How am I supposed to rub shoulders with artistic types, when I have silky-smooth dimpled cheeks?
The bearded gods in every pantheon must have held a meeting at the Semi-Annual Celestial Beard Jamboree in 1990 to decide my facial hair fate. To make it so I have every physical trait that goes well with a beard, except a beard. I probably have to go on some epic quest fraught with peril in order to acquire my beard.
Just writing that out really made me want it to be true. My quest would be like Lord of the Rings, just with even more facial hair. In my epic tale of beard acquisition, even Legolas would have a beard to make a lumberjack proud. Gimli would just be a beard. A surly Cousin It that can wield an axe and loves salted pork. The orcs would be razors, robbing the land of their bearded glory and the Ents would be...
I could do this all day, but I'll spare you anymore painful details.
Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole-hill, but if a genie could grant me three wishes. One of them would be to be blessed with The Power of the Beard.
-Doug
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